disorderedly

SF is a very small city. I'm always running into people I knew-of-in-Santa Barbara-but-didn't-actually-know-very-well, as well as people I've lost contact with.

I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LIVEJOURNAL IS STILL HERE.

somewhere along the way, i became everything i said i never would be.

I haven't written in here for so long, I forget what people are supposed to write about in one of these things.

but anyway, things that irk me at the moment:

• conversation for the sake of conversation. I just can't stand it. I don't know if I'm just too ADD, but I don't care about the most mundane aspects of your day (especially if you're going to drone about it).


• cordial bullshit. I know it makes some people feel better, but I can't stand pretending to be nice to people I don't really like (or really don't like). I can't pretend to like people I really don't. it's just so fake, it makes me sick. I mean, why waste your time? I don't even care when so-and-so doesn't like me. I don't care to change his or her opinion. you know? it's like, "well, fine. fuck you too." I doubt it ("it" being shit-talking or so-and-so's opinion of me, especially when so-and-so doesn't know me) even affects the quality of my life.
  
  of course, this stance becomes a problem when I meet new people and automatically assume that they don't like me.


• fake vegans. not to sound like the dreaded vegan police -- but what's the deal with people telling everyone he or she is a vegan and then eating meat when no one's looking? no, really. I don't understand this one at all. I'm vegan, but I never shove this in anyone's face. in fact, most of my friends always forget that I don't eat meat -- which is fine. it's a dietary preference. I don't expect them to accomodate me. "vegan" is not something you put on a Myspace resume; it's something I do for myself. and on a somewhat related note --


• people who say they used to be "straight-edge in high school, but not anymore." WTF? not to get all preachy, but if you're not now, you never were. believe it or not, straight-edge =/= drug-free.


• people who smoke cigs just for the hell of it, just so they have something to do and won't be socially awkward. actually, I'm not irked -- just perplexed.


• boys in IV. why are they so full of douchebaggery? it's got to be the environment we're living in. there's easy access to booze, girls, and boozed up girls. how could they not be menslut? when will they ever live in a place like this or have this many opportunities (and by opportunities, I mean "[easy] girls to bang") ever again? for a little while, I was convinced that boys didn't even like girls. sure, they may like the way they look and the way they feel, but they don't really care for them. but then I realized it was just IV making me super cynical.

and now, things I do love (at the moment):

• music all the time, especially when it's 5 in the AM or when I have the apartment to myself. right now, I love New Young Pony Club, Boys Noize, 120 Days, and other music for robots. unfortuntately, my 4th generation iPod Photo has finally broke (and with that, my heart). so I've been listening to my music via iTunes. which wouldn't be so bad if my Vaio's fan didn't sound like an electric razor/leaf blower. no, really. friends will come over and ask me who is shaving in the bathroom. I always have to tell them it's just my laptop.


• getting shit in the mail. it's the best, okay? I may or may not have a problem. I'm starting to hide things I receive.


• when he calls. actually, no. I don't know. we have a love-hate relationship (the love and hate mostly coming from me)... but no relationship.


• a clean apartment,


• having a clean apartment to myself. not that I don't love my roommates, or at least 2/3 of them. I'm just obviously running out of ideas for this list.

school-wise, I've never done worse. but here's my justification: now that I know what I want to do, I don't see the point in doing things I don't want to do. y'dig? I don't see the point in doing things that don't help further me towards my goal. life's too short to not do what you love, whether or not it makes you rich or poor. and this may sound cliche, but while I was on mushrooms, I figured out what I wanted to do and what I wanted out of life and the love of my life. now that I think about it, I've known it all along; I just never had the guts to pursue it. but you know what, fuck it.



I think this is a good place to end.
until next time?

from vialactea

1. What's the nicest and naughtiest thing you've done?
Naughtiest - I shoplifted a My Little Pony from K-Mart and a necklace from Urban Outfitters once. I'm a good kid. Really.
Nicest - In the recent past, I think I've (practically) written a friend's midterm or final essay. I had my own finals to study for, but I went out of my way to help him anyway. He hadn't read any of the books he was supposed to read, didn't do any research, and the entire thing was due in a couple of hours (or was it the next day?). He ended up with a B+.

2. How's the collegiate life?
I think a lot of people do whatever they can just to get by -- meaning they don't go to class, don't do the readings, write papers the night before, and cram for the final/midterm at the very last minute. When the weekend (starting on Thursday) rolls around, they drink themselves into oblivion, quite possibly do something stupid/regrettable, and most likely won't remember the night before. Weed is big on campus/IV as well.

Um. Exercising/healthy-active-lifestyle type stuff is popular too.

And then there are the people who study hard, get A's, and still do all of the above.

Not that all of it applies to me (not all of the time, anyway). It varies from person to person, but that's typical Santa Barbara life. H-e-d-o-n-i-s-t-i-c. That's the word for it.

Of course there are people who don't partake in any of the above at all. But they are in the minority and have probably played with the thought of transferring (if they haven't already transferred). I admit, I've even thought about it this past summer. I know too many people who want to transfer (even though those people are statistically in the minority).

3. Tell me about the last time you were really happy. (:
This is a hard question, but it probably involved substances. In that case, it wasn't real.

4. Name three albums that you can't live without and why.
It's so corny/lame, but I always go back to AFI - Black Sails in the Sunset when I'm feeling down (even though I don't really listen to them anymore). There was a time in my life when I'd say that they were my reason for living... don't tell anybody.

Other than that, I can't imagine a world without the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Love love love Karen O. Maybe I'll come back to this question later. I like a lot of bands. I love very few.



5. What is the one song you wish someone had written for/about you?
How sad is it that I've totally thought about this before?

Bright Eyes - "Sunrise, Sunset"

Fevers & Mirrors is really the only Bright Eyes album I can stand to be quite honest.




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Maybe maybe.